Read about how whether coupled off, single, or anywhere in between, YOU can orgasm – no excuses.
Despite the Covid pandemic, I thought about sex and orgasms, a lot. How dare I go there?! How could I during a time like this? Well, I’m going there, I went there, and I am going to keep going there, hopefully multiple times a day (or should I say, coming?)
What if I told you that you only need YOU to orgasm? What if I told you that you don’t have to disrobe and pull a ‘Magic Mike’ (I know, boo, you probably look good naked after becoming mostly Vegan and all that juicing you were doing). You don’t even have to be TOUCHED to orgasm.
Wait – what? You’re alone, fully clothed, no one touches you, and you can ORGASM? Over his twelve years in the erotic hypnotism industry, Keven Teller, @inergasm, has helped around 6,000 clients do just that.
I can orgasm any time I want – no significant other or toys needed. Read that again – no touching or physical stimulation needed. If I can, then all of you, in any situation, can orgasm. No excuses.
The story I’m about to tell applies to sexually unhappy couples, or to people who are single. Naturally couples get tired of each other, right? And what about singles who were / are isolated alone? If they aren’t alone, their roommates may be cagey, restless, coupled off, or have zero sex appeal. Even in the new Covid age of apocalyptic vibes, we all have standards.
Let’s be real, though. Is the SEX part really that fun? There’s all the sweating, awkward positioning, weird and accidental noises, foot cramping, running out of energy, having to stop in the middle to drink water, differences in height, the kids interrupting, eating too much beforehand, feeling bloated, learning your partner doesn’t like dirty talk, preparing for the Taj Mahal, but receiving a fixer-upper (and men, I’m not referencing size here, but experience). So why do we keep ‘doing it’? Because we orgasm. For some of us, coupled off or single – those orgasm(s) can become annoyingly stale or elusive.
It all started with my appointment with Kevin Teller, erotic hypnotist, and it hasn’t stopped. I’d already listened to the Past the Threshold episode that featured Kevin. The videos of very pleased clients on Kevin’s Instagram page – @inergasm, fascinated me. I peeked into a secret experience in which NO ONE had to strip down. Think back to your last orgasm – heart racing warmth, tight muscles, maybe unrecognizable moans – you were lost in the moment. Imagine me – jealous yet?
Twelve years ago, Kevin’s make out session with his then-girlfriend flourished into way more than just helping clients orgasm. The couple discovered Kevin could satisfy her just by whispering sensual words and phrases in her ear. He researched videos on YouTube and before he knew it was headed to his first conference in Washington D.C., where Mark Cunningham taught the basics of hypnotism. Kevin began with giving conferences in Cleveland, Ohio, and London, England.
He continues to leverage his knowledge in the industry to support himself and enjoys the learning and creativity during the process. Besides helping clients orgasm on a daily basis, Kevin’s work involves counseling singles and couples who have problems in the bedroom. He even walks some clients through informal methods to overcome sexual traumas.
Enough about sexual traumas and all that serious stuff – this guy helps people orgasm on the daily, so what could possibly be a downfall to this line of work? It isn’t so much about downfalls, but about the diligent emotional work that some clients require of Kevin so they can achieve orgasms. These include couples who are shy about communicating about sex, and women who overall are controlling or high achievers.
Kevin sometimes encounters couples who are in denial and experiencing friction because their communication has broken down. “When I tell couples it is all about communication, they look at me like I’m an alien,” Kevin says. He continues and laughs, “[The guy says] I am doing to put my dick inside you and do all these nasty things to you. But god FORBID we actually TALK about it.”
It gets messy – figuratively – when one member of a couple approaches Kevin behind their partner’s back, but Kevin won’t have it. Not only will he refuse to do such an unethical session, but he tells clients they have to talk to their partner about their dissatisfaction and that both people should attend a session.
Kevin says that whether single, coupled, or anything in between, the uncomfortable and unnecessary embarrassment and blushing cheeks we experience around sex and orgasms is actually a profoundly emotional issue. “Sex is special and people act awkward around it. Yes sex IS special, but we make it too special,” Kevin says.
“We should be able to talk about sex just like you and I could talk about yesterday’s game. Not being able to talk about sex or let alone climax is a self-love problem. People feel shame around sex. It affects our entire self image. We act like its devious and dirty. People think they’re going to be judged. But the issue is always deeper. It’s about trust, self love, and getting past the threshold.”
Another recurring pattern Kevin witnesses in his line of work are some women who are controlling – and I don’t mean controlling by using whips. It isn’t easy to deal with clients who like to control almost every aspect of their lives. It requires extra effort to explain to these women what they have to be willing to try.
“The road to get there will be different than what the woman was expecting,” Kevin says. “People have to be willing to accept their own attributes that they didn’t think were there. It helps to set boundaries right away with clients. It causes people to have to be open from the beginning. Respect [between me and the client(s)] is of utmost importance.” Many of these types of clients are at a standstill – they take a while to orgasm, or can’t. The bottom line? Women who don’t climax are women who don’t masturbate and who don’t talk about what they like.
Speaking of women, it isn’t surprising that many of us have bought into the narrative that it’s always more difficult for women to orgasm than men. You know the image, although it’s heteronormative – a man who cums super early and the woman who begrudgingly rolls over. Or, even worse, the idea of women “faking it.” No matter the sexual preference or type of relationship, women’s inner workings – physically and mentally – are notorious for psyching out partners into thinking they will fail to help their female partner achieve orgasm.
Kevin says that historically, it’s harder for women because they have more mental blocks than men. Their sexuality has been repressed. They were taught to stay away from it. Sex was habitually linked to pain because it was taught that its only purpose was child birth. But women have been taking sex back. It is meant for them to enjoy.
The bottom line is that women who tend to control everything – need to let go of control. This sense of submission is not literal but purely mental, in order to release mental blocks. It’s more like a posture of being willing to receive – in whatever type of relationship the woman is involved in.
“There’s a difference between women who control, and who don’t receive, versus those who do. Women who control, tend not to climax or take a very long time. This is the only area in which women should receive and be willing to do that. When they do, they receive in the service of their OWN orgasm, and the partner they are with should understand that the woman orgasming is worth everything.”
After these pearls of wisdom that apply to dissatisfied couples, you may be one of my readers who is single and pining away for the many benefits of orgasmic sex with a partner. Orgasmic sex is part of being healthy. It liberates you, makes you more creative, and releases endorphins, stress, and anxiety. Who couldn’t use an orgasm or five, more than single people? But ALAS, you may be thinking dramatically. What about little old me?
It is about orgasmic sex, but you don’t need a partner to experience it. You can experience multiple orgasms every day if you want, and you can lead an orgasmic, sex-positive lifestyle full of pleasure and delight. You too can experience the same orgasmic sex benefits as your counterparts who are coupled off. How? Take your first step with Kevin. Secondly, all it takes is a change in mindset. A thought is only a thought, and it can be changed.
“It starts with you. An orgasm comes from YOU. No one can make you orgasm. It’s all mental. You are only choosing to share your orgasm. Masturbation and exploring yourself is the same communication that happens within a couple. You are still communicating. You’re just talking with yourself about what YOU like.”
How can you get started? First, allow Kevin to help you break down any walls or hidden shame regarding your sexuality. Get the conversation moving. Learn to talk about what you like and don’t like. Sex positivity helps you accept and integrate your sexual aspects, free of society’s constraints and judgments.
To start an orgasmic lifestyle, be free with your sexuality. Look at yourself in the mirror, and learn to love what you see (Quarantine pounds or not, boo, because you’re still a sexy human). Believe you will achieve all your goals. Tell yourself affirmations out loud, and allow Kevin to help you brainstorm your personalized affirmations. The best part is, it isn’t only about orgasmic sex but about enjoying everything. “Sex is only the outer layer. Enjoy everything you do, because it will continue to attract positivity,” Kevin says.
I’m enjoying a rather orgasmic lifestyle myself, despite being single, and it’s only the tip of the iceberg (pun totally intended). You won’t find my video on Kevin’s page, @inergam (yet). But let’s just say I need at least three hands to count my number of orgasms, and I’ve only had three appointments. I am overcoming silly shame like no tomorrow, experimenting, skipping around, and riding that afterglow. Please excuse me while I set up another appointment.
To set up your own appointment, contact @inergasm. For more information about examples of sex positivity and orgasmic lifestyle, follow @sheorgasms @blunt @whoreabledecisions.
About the Author: Tracy’s whiteboard is always full of concepts. Besides blogging for Past the Threshold and seeing what’s next for Write to Empower, Tracy often write free verse poetry and studies copywriting. Tracy is a Projector in Human Design, current hair color violet, and contemplating a second nose piercing. Out of the three categories, she is a vegan, a CrossFitter, and a not-atheist. Tracy love wellness, women’s empowerment, and heart-warmingly inappropriate innuendos – when she is in the mood. To learn more about Tracy and learn about her program designed to help badass survivors who are ready to heal and to redesign their own stories into empowering narratives visit her instagram at @writetoempower